smart and funny

Hello again! My pastor emailed me some definitions from this new book he just got...its a great way to think about "church-y" words! Enjoy!

absolution A series of words that, when spoken to a repentant sinner, result in that sinner's complete forgiveness - much to the chagrin of the self-righteous.

atheism The personal choice to be at the whim of earthly powers because you can't stand being at the whim of God.

Bible A book that Christians believe is so holy and inspired that they almost never read it for fear that it might draw them closer to God and neighbor or change their lives in some other inconvenient way.

Canon Not to be confused with a large weapon (this canon only has one "n"), the canon is the list of books comprising the authoritative, written Word of God - which sinners often use as a large weapon to bash each other.

Laity Those people who don't need special degrees, titles, clothes, or roles to know that they are called by God.

Love Not a thing that is blind but the act of actually seeing the needs of others and of putting their needs higher than yourself or your needs.

Martyr A person who would rather die than allow you to help make dinner.

Member (1) One who joins a group in order to avoid expectations of participation; (2) God's partner in mission.

Ministry An office instituted by God for work in God's world, the holders of which often spend too much time in their offices.

Pastor/Priest A sinner who is so aware of the power of sin in his or her own life that he or she feels called by the Holy Spirit to announce that God loves sinners.

Perichoresis The attempt to describe the numbers "three" and "one" without using math.

Predestination The extremely disturbing idea that God actually knows what God is doing.

Reformation A revolution within Christianity that started in 1517 and is either still happening or needs to happen again, depending on whom you talk to.

Religion A system of beliefs and practices that is meant to nourish a life of faith and a relationship with God, which often causes despair and drives people away from God, for the sake of good order.

Revelation Reason's embarrassing brother-in-law who married into the family and is often the source of awkward pauses in the conversation at family meals but who brings things to the table that nobody else can.

Simultaneously Saint And Sinner Being at one and the same time who you think you are and who you really are.

Sin (1) Why people suck, (2) How people suck

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